hippopotamus-hi-tops:

things your friends will say if you’ve made a good pun:

  • get out
  • fuck you
  • shut the fuck up
  • oh my god why
  • you need to stop
  • you’re not funny
  • that was terrible

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

Lion: AGGGGGGGHHHHH
YOU HAVE VANQUISHED ME, MIGHTY BEAST
Cub: DAD STOP
Lion: EVERYTHING…GOING…DARK
Cub: DAD OH MY GOD
Lion: REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE…

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

Lion: AGGGGGGGHHHHH

YOU HAVE VANQUISHED ME, MIGHTY BEAST

Cub: DAD STOP

Lion: EVERYTHING…GOING…DARK

Cub: DAD OH MY GOD

Lion: REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE…

Get dressed up and take me to an art museum.
Let me stare at you,
while you stare at the works of art on the walls.
The beautiful masterpieces that are so much like you,
increasingly beautiful to look at.

Throw on a hat,
and take me to watch your favorite baseball team play.
Let me fill up my camera with countless pictures of you,
as you fill the space around us with your laughter.

Grab your sunglasses, and go to the beach with me.
Let me playfully splash you with water.
Don’t get angry, I’ll let you splash me back.
Sit in the sun with me all day,
and then listen to me complain about my sunburn all night.

Bring a blanket,
and meet me on the couch.
I’ll make more popcorn than we could ever eat,
but god knows we’re both going to try.
Sit through a horror movie with me,
and I’ll reward you with kisses.
You can pick the next movie.

Take me out to the loudest sports bar you can find.
Let me buy you a drink,
and admire you in the dim lighting.
Let me soak in the fact that everyone is jealous of me because I have such a beautiful person by my side.
Play pool with me,
and then let’s argue on the way home about whether or not I let you win.
You’ll never know.

I don’t care what you do, or where you go. Just take me with you.

– (via thewrongcoast)

“A girl and her bed on Sundays are an endless love affair.”

– note to self  (via tat-art)

The question I’m asked most often as a defense attorney is whether I can tell if my clients are innocent or guilty.

I don’t care.

I’m literally my own best friend like I have inside jokes with myself and sometimes I’ll think something funny and start laughing out loud at how funny I am

lol depaul